14 Jan, 2022, No comments
Hello! All blog posts will go on and on in this blog until I have returned to Covendar . The link to read my novel is in this blog. You will discover ancient Covendar there. Each new entry in this Midnight blog has the date of entry. There is no table of contents for navigation. Read on and scroll down to the next dated post.
Anything goes here on this blog. Things may get to be strange as you read on. Most people would say I'm old. My soul is only 17 years alive. I live as a bachelor in an A frame home, five miles back in the forest. The property grounds are 20 acres. Five acres are wooded and 15 acres are pasture . The pasture area faces east. There is a 200 acre ranch meadow at the back property line.
Further east of the ranch meadow is a very large hill where trolls live part time. During the winter months they make their camp on top of that small mountain. They leave every spring to return right around the Thanksgiving holiday, to capture a dwarf or two for their Thanksgiving feast.
The dwarf population here is almost extinct in these woods . They used to have a well populated camp 2 miles west of my property. Now there are only 7 of them left, and they claim to never have known Snow White. I don't believe them. I have taken meals with both camps, dwarfs and trolls. If you started at the beginning as most people do when reading something, I mentioned Covendar. You would know the exact landscape of Covendar if you have read my novel, "Goodbye Mr Now And Forever." https://smashwords.com/books/view/1025769
When I wrote the novel my name was not T.L. Willis . My name was Bob Bickerman. I was the main character in the novel ! I have no idea how I became T.L. Willis. Actually, the name of the author of the novel is listed on the cover as being T.L. Willis.
I'm still in love with Mary Cerelli. I miss Tom and Becky Cisco, who Mary and I traveled with in a 32 foot, yellow motor home we called the yellow beast. Mary and I loved Rowdy, Tom and Becky's dog as if it was our own. He traveled well in the long coach. I miss all of them. I want to be Bob again!
Mary is a tall slender Italian beauty who I still love very much. The problem is, how do I get back to her? I will have to return to Covendar where I left her and (me), sitting peacefully in the yellow beast. We are still parked on the same cliff, watching thousands of seagulls below feasting on crabs as a moonlit tide rolls in.
I remember that exact moment and must return. That moment is happening there as I write this, sitting here, looking out the picture window, into the blackness of night in my two story A frame cabin. Right now I feel like I'm in both places at once, and I guess I am. I can't put my arm around Mary in the motorhome booth and listen to her breathing from where I'm sitting now, but that is exactly what Bob Bickerman is doing in that coach, in Covendar. Oh well, life goes on.
Did you take a music break using the link above ? If you did you are back. If you didn't you never left.
I was going to write the sequel to "Goodbye Mr. Now And Forever" here on this blog, calling it Goodbye Mr. Now And Forever - BOOK II . There were a few people who read the first who told me I should write the 2nd. When I wrote the original, my mother had died in a hospital in Seattle. We had a huge forest fire here the same year. Two days after her funeral, I sat in my easy chair downstairs, opened a notebook with pencil in hand, to put down that first word BOB in the novel .
I saw in my mind, a Wall Street executive, waking up on a spring morning alone in his mansion. From there, everything took off in a natural mental rythym. I became Bob, and drifted deeper and deeper into his life, as I forged words into the notebook with a pencil.
Bob was nervous at the thought of having to attend a retirement party at his office. The retirement party was for him, and as I sat in my chair after the midnight hour, writing in complete silence, with pencil in hand, everything became clear. There was no struggle to the writing. I was now Bob. The words in the novel became the present moment, as Bob wandered down the long hallway of his mansion in his pajamas, for that first cup of coffee.
My intention in writing this Blog was to write whatever came to mind. Bob had no intentions at all as he sat at the mahogany table in the kitchen, sipping hot coffee. Right now at 2am, upstairs in this A frame cabin, I am also sipping hot coffee, very thankful that I do not have to attend a retirement party in an office tower in Manhattan today. I am a little bit disappointed that I'm completely sober right now and so is Bob, as he stands up, walks to the kitchen cabinet to pour a full glass of brandy. Now that you know I am Bob and Bob is me let's back up.
I walked downstairs and brought up a copy of one of the 358 page novel. As to why I did that, I'm not exctly sure. I don't really know why I'm writing this blog. Maybe it's the need to dig into the mind and journey as far down that path toward the inner depths, as humanly possible. There was a pause in this writing as I opened the book a minute ago to glance at the first couple paragraphs.
Now I remember ! I had no intention of arriving on time my last day, after 25 years service with the firm, and the time has ran out for me right now at 3 am . That is unfortunate, as I wish to lay down beside Mary Cerelli's tall tan body, as I did each night when we traveled together. If she is in my dreams tonight it will be a true blessing. Goodnight all.
New Blog Post 1/24/22
I'm back on a new day but SLOW RUNNING because I am still in chapter one of the novel, sitting at the kitchen table of my home near New York City, sipping brandy in the life of Bob Bickerman. If I kept a stash of brandy in this Oregon home, I would probably be walking downstairs right now, to step outside and howl back at the coyotes. Bob Bickerman doesn't have to deal with those creatures of the night. His only problem is no problem at all. He is running water in the tub after turning on the sound system and popping in a 90 minute cassette tape, the first song being Tarrapin Station by the Grateful Dead.
It is no coincidence that there are black letters on the back of my old motorhome I drive here in Oregon . The letters are "Tarrapin Station". Bob paid a million dollars for his coach. I paid nothing for mine. But let's get back inside Bob's lifeless mansion where he is stepping out of the tub after the long soaking of his bones.
He slides on a pair of black sweat pants, brown canvas tennis shoes and a green polo shirt. Why should I dress up in the usual three piece suit to please people I will never see again. I meant, why should Bob dress up. Really, I guess it doesn't matter what I say going forward . You all know that I am Bob and ... Well, I already explained that earlier. We also know, Bob understands perfectly that he is leaving New York City forever today, in the 32 foot yellow luxury coach, for parts unknown.
Let's back up and get into the real moment by moment of Bob's life as he moves forward. I want to jump right in, to land right there where Bob is breathing before he leaves his mansion. I need to be with Mary Cerelli again, the dark skinned Italian beauty!
Unfortunately, we have reached a point in this style of writing where I must slam on the breaks. To continue this section would mean putting the entire novel, 324,000 words, in this blog. I could do it, bouncing back to Bob's life and forward to my life as T.L. Willis, here in Oregon, but I don't need the challenge.
All I will say now is that I hope you enjoyed the written words of this first entry of the blog. I will end this section as a sane person, though you may not agree with that statement when you read future blog posts. There is a link to purchase the novel as an EBOOK somewhere above in this post. I do have paperback copies here at my home. The paperback editions are given to friends and relatives who visit. There are very few people who visit here, except for the three witches who live down the road.
NEW BLOG ENTRY - 1/27/22
Now where did I leave off in my last writing. Oh yes! THE THREE WITCHES...
There was a dead quiet as I sat downstairs in my easy chair one hot summer morning, just after mindnight. I was thinking about nothing at all, or at least nothing important. There was a light tapping on the front door and I wondered if I was imagining things. I said I wondered but after a few seconds passed, I wondered no more. The front door was opening slowly. It was quite a shock when three figures entered my living room with a motionless ease. I could feel my heart rate slowing as soon as I was greeted by smiling faces.
There were three of them, and oh yes ; they all wore long black gowns of satin and black hats that came to a perfect point on top. They said nothing as they paraded to the couch on my right, seating themselves as if they had lived with me forever. One thing for certain, they weren't ugly with a mole at the end of the nose or having had deeply wrinkled faces. They were fine, and I don't recall ever feeling so damned important. Rather than act like a curiuos babbling idiot, I took a sip of coffee, and rolled a cigarette from my easy chair.
With a minute or two passing in silence, the one on the couch who sat between the the other two, stood up and walked toward me. She removed her dark sunglasses to stand at my side. The next thing I knew, she moved to the front of me, and kneeled down on her knees, moving her body toward me, to give me a light kiss on the cheek. Without warning, she snatched my tobacco pouch and rolling papers... and ... in what seemed like the blink of an eye, the three witches were gone like a sudden gust of wind. Out the front door they ran, disappearing into the darkness !
I stood up from my chair to open the front door, only to hear the three of them giggling in the distance. I let my dog inside the house, who had not growled when they approached the front door a few moments earlier. He was lying down on the carpet beside my chair now . As I looked down toward the dog, he did look confused. All I could say to the dog was " I guess they needed a smoke." That was my first encounter with the three witches.
I should mention here in closing that after their leaving, I slept into the late afternoon. Stepping onto my front porch with a first cup of coffee after sleeping, I looked down to discover a rattan box on my front porch, and carried the box into the cabin to open. There were several cookies inside, the best I had ever tasted. I ate the first and realized as I ate the last, I was very sleepy again. Was I sleepy or was it something else? I started pacing and broke into a cold sweat, feeling like my feet were no longer touching the ground. At some point I must have passed out. I was cold and lying in bed when I opened my eyes.
The three witches were standing above me, with seriuos expressions on their faces. The one who kissed my cheek spoke to me said, "You were cold and shaking. We covered you. Shut your eyes and rest." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dET2SLCYCJk&list=PLquoBqQImIwo2KtBcgCZShzEi5XcbGTeV&index=9
2 / 18 /2022 Friday
THE CURRENT SITUATION
Everything is a situation ! So let's move into this present day. All is well. It's peaceful here without a phone. My cellphone is dead and I have no charger... lost it somewhere. The landline phone has been dead since November. Repair for that will be here Monday afternoon.
The three witches showed up here during the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl game. They pounded at my front door which was quite a surprise. There is a first time for everything ! In the past they walked right in. I got up and locked the door. When they heard the latch click, they stared at me thru the front picture window. Ha! Ha! I shut the curtains and they would not stop tapping on the window.
That was all I could take! I ran outside with a broom and clipped one of them on her backside real hard. They were soon gone and I could relax! The next time they show up I'll be real nice. I'll make them some very strong Valerian root tea ...so strong they won't be able to move after a few sips. I'm not sure what I'll do then, but I did say they were all very nice looking. Ha! Ha! They deserve whatever I do . They drugged me a couple weeks ago with something that made me feel like I was floating. I did mention I got very cold and passed out in bed.
I may regret it later, but they need to know that the games have officially begun. The problem here is that I am not sure exactly what I am dealing with. How powerful are the three beautiful, innocent looking creatures of the night, and how powerful am I to deal with them ? One thing for sure is that life is never boring here, 5 miles back in the woods!
There is a tribe of creatures living on the mountain across the meadow, on the back part of this 20 acres of ground. I call them trolls but I don't know what they are for sure. I did take a meal with them in the winter of 2020 up on the mountain, but don't want to tell that story now. The only thing I will say is they speak the english language, using a few words here and there. Mainly they grunt and groan like cavemen might have done. Damn Sam ! What is going on here ? I think I'm still here on earth, but sometimes I do wonder. ???
Blog Post - 2/23/22
JOE ZEE VISITS THE PSYCHOLOGIST (DOC PSYCH)
Doc Psych > Have a seat on the couch Joe . Calm down. Take some deep breaths. What's bugging you so much?
Joe Z > I'm worried that there might be a war with Russia !
Doc > It doesn't surprise me . Nato is a bunch of power hungry idiots ! You can't teach an idiot to put one foot in front of the other. They only stumble and fall.
Joe > I never thought of it that way. What's wrong with those people?
Doc > They are all crazy ! The government here in the United states won't build affordable housing to get the homeless off the streets. They don't care about you, me or the other people in this country.
Joe > The homeless thing has been going on for years. That problem should have been solved years ago !
Doc > That's right ! The reason that problem hasn't been fixed is because there is no money to be made by the government.
Joe > I guess you are right. I hate governments!
Doc > Don't be alarmed Joe ! Just understand that the government is a private club and you and I aren't in it . They don't care about you. They don't care !
Joe > If they did care, everyone would have a home and decent food to eat.
Doc > I'm not God. I can't snap my fingers together and make everything wonderful. You and I have to learn to live with the confusion. There is always self reliance.
Joe> It still makes me angry and I worry.
Doc > I don't see you wearing any chains that keep you in America. If you don't like something about your life, you have the ability to make a change!
Joe > Now I feel kind of stupid .
Doc > You aren't stupid ! Now you know you aren't happy, and you know you've been worrying too much. Millions of people in this country deal with those same problems. They go thru the same trials and errors day after day, until they are put in the ground and covered with dirt.
Joe > It makes me uncomfortable to know what I need to do.
Doc > Well sure it does ! I hope you'll go somewhere as far away from all the power hungry governments as you can get, but just remember; you will still have to deal with yourself. If you leave this country, blend in, keep your mouth shut and you will be just fine. You might even catch a fleeting glimpse of happiness.
Joe > I have an old van. I'm gonna pack up tonight and head south. At least I hope I have the guts to do that.
Doc > I think I've helped you more than most people that come to see me. I can't help those who are totally lost and gutless. They cry and whine and feel sorry for themselves, but aren't willing to make the slightest change. Sometimes I get so frustrated I feel like steeping out into street and screaming . I've done it.
Joe > Maybe you should take off.
Doc > I've been thinking about cashing out. Maybe to Tibet or somewhere off the beaten path. It's a big world outside this office door !
FINALLY A NEW BLOG POST > AUGUST 12, 2022
Things go well for me as long as I don't think about anything too much. Well here goes. I'm entering into dangerous territory...... my mind. The mind can be a best friend when needed, but for me it is best to leave the thing alone.
I should mention here ... there are two A frame cabins and a regular home here on the grounds that my mother used to live in. She is dead now and enjoying that long eternal sleep. The two A frame cabins sit 100 feet off the dirt road, at the front of this 20 acre property that I now own. My brother and his wife live in one A Frame, and me and my large collie like dog live in the other. He is my zen master !
My brother and his wife are Jesus followers. As a matter of fact, he is the pastor of the Sprague River church, and probably one of the most respected men in the community. I have been doing zen meditation for over 50 years and do not follow any belief systems.
Living here with them has taught me to be humble, and accept people as to whatever they believe. It is easier that way. I no longer try to understand why people need to follow one thing or the other in an attempt to stay calm. They are they and me is me!
The only thing I do is live and breathe in each day. Whatever happens will happen so why fight it. Being here now is pretty cool once I got the hang of it. It's like saying hey, here I am, I quit banging my head against the success wall, the perfection wall or any kind of wall . Now I will pour a cup of fresh hot coffee. Be back in a minute, be back when I'm back.
AH ! HOT COFFEE ! Okay ! Here we go again. My website is my hobby. It certainly isn't a profession ! I have owned the site since January of 2021 and haven't purchased my yacht yet. Ha! Ha! It must be a hobby. I love my website. Whenever I need to buy anything, I buy from the companies whose products are on my website. Why? Why not ? I do a lot of research to put the best products at the best price on my site for myself and all who visit.
Even though I say this website is a hobby because I'm not getting rich, I do have my self respect and don't offer any garbage for the sake of building a bank account. I have enough money to go anywhere in the world and stay as long as I want providing I take a guitar with me.
One of my first music teachers told me if I learned how to play the guitar well, I could live anywhere in the world and live fairly well. That didn't really sink in until one particular day in the 70's when I lived in Huntington Beach, California.
It was a day I was broke and hungry. I was walking, carrying my guitar in the case on the walkway, just north of the pier. I sat down on the sand, opened the case and started playing. Wow! People started dropping money in the case. I banged on that acoustic guitar for about an hour and raked in $20 and change. A steak at the beach restaurant never tasted so good !
Well ! So here is another blog post finally after several months. Mainly it is pure bullshit, but the kind that hopefully, doesn't stink so much.
There is a link on the website and this blog to purchase my novel. I was pleased with the final result .
BLOG POST / 9/ 3/ 22 > It is 3AM and very quiet .
How do you feel about yourself ? When a troubled zen student approached the zen master with question after question, the zen master told the student to go away. He said " You use your mind too much ! Just leave the thing alone".
When talking to my brother and his wife Friday morning, my brother told me there was a stray dog on our grounds late last night. I told my brother I saw the little black dog wandering around the grounds, and went back inside my house last night when it was here. I told the two of them, I'm not paying any attention to anything anymore.
If someone comes to me asking for help I will do what I can to assist them. Otherwise I leave them alone. In talking to my neighbor on Monday he told me nobody is perfect. If I feel good about myself, nobody can take that away from me. Perfect and imperfect are only words. The man was a christian who told me nobody is perfect . Christians are taught that we all fall short of God's grace.
I feel fine and won't let anyone take that from me by throwing inferiority in my face, thru some belief system or cult they have joined. If a person is truly content there is no need to force their way of thinking on others. As far as the mind and belief systems go, I prefer to leave those things alone completely.
The mind can be a best friend or an enemy if used too much. In writing now, it is my best friend. In sitting around idle, listening to endless thoughts, it can be an enemy making me aware of useless nonsense. In doing Shikantaza Zen I just sit. The thoughts flow freely during a sitting and I pay no attention, just letting them pass away.
The coyotes are howling now. This is life. Two cats are fighting and screaming outside . This is life. This feels like the call to get up , heat some fresh coffee and move on to something new.
All comes from within. The truth is unfolding right before your eyes.